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January 2019

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God. I can't go two fucking weeks without getting into a fight with my mom. She critizes every fucking thing I fucking do, always telling me to be more like the people I detest. What the fucking hell? Don't I have any fucking say in what I want to be fucking be like?

God. Why the hell do I have to be the fucked up one? The one in the fucked up situation?

My mom has cancer, or so she says, but she's not going in for treatment. She doesn't give too much of a damn about living. Then, she's also dealing with other fucked up health problems, but all she fucking does about them is ocassionally worry about buying a blood pressure machine. What the goddamn fuck? We, my mom an I, know that she's not going to last much longer. God. At first, I dodn't know how the hell I can get mad at someone sick, but now, I don't give a flying fuck.

Then, my mom and dad fight every fucking day, about everything. I fucking mean everything. Every other day, my dad talks about how he's going to leave. Once, he got so mad that he even bought plane tickets, but the flight being cancelled kinda prevented him from leaving on the weekend. He apparently recovers pretty quickly.

I have no normal home life. In fact, my home life barely exists. I basically see both paretns a total of 2 hours each day, and I can parely go an hour without being in a fucking fight with one of them.

Cutting/Slashing the skin on mr wrist helps slightly to forget life, but pain only helps to a certain degree.