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January 2019

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Ok. Just went today and saw Troy. It was, for a lack of a better word, amazing. Highlight to read.

I was rather dissapointed that the entire war took place in what seemed 3 weeks instread of the 10 years. However, it is supposed to be a 2 1/5 hour movie. I can understand.
Also, Besides Hector and Andromache's r4elationship, the others seemed rather undevelposed. Briseis and Achilleus was hard to buy. Helen and Paris's love was rather flat.
Finally, the last bad point was the score. Usually, I love the scores for movies, but this one was horrible! It was like a clash of John Williams and more Johm Williams. For moments, I wonder why they were playing the trumped melody from the Star Wars movies! I've heard clips of the origional composer's stuff, and it was definatly better than what I had to sit through. Also, randomly, there are these really annoying volcals with this lady going "Ohhhhhhhh ohhhhh ohhhhh" god I wanted to strangle her.

ANYWAY, onto the GUSHING!!!!

I'll start off with Inaccuracies

First, the entire movie is like 3 weeks. There’s also a 12 day peace thing somewhere in the middle. 2. The gods are not actually in the movie. 3. Aias is actually killed by Hector. 4. Achilleus is one of the men who make it into Troy in the wooden horse. 5. Andromache and her son are not killed (thank gods) 6. Menelaus is killed by Hector. 7. Agamemnon is killed by Briseis (knife to the neck)

The movie was pretty true to the book, but there are some nagging differences.

Before I talk about Brad Pitt, I have to say 3 things. I loved his short leather skirt, he looks hot naked, and he fights like a god!

Ok. Getting serious. Brad Pitt is amazing. He's really bulked up for this movie. He honestly looks like what Achilleus would have looked like. I mean, at first, I was against him in the part because he was a bit old, but he seriously fits in. While his relationship is a bit stale, who the hell cares. It gives him a reason to flash his hips.
His fighting scenes are amazingly choreographed. He moves like he's dancing when he fights. No move is wasted. When he runs, he usually ends up in this sideways jump that has him smashing down on his enemy. He so freaking graceful. Also love his sentimental scene with his mother. He's twice as big as her, and he comes up to her, looking like he did something naughty, and becomes proud when she mentions glory. He, however, took way too long to die. After the arrow hits him in the ankle, he get up and movies towards Paris. Paris shoots him like 6 more times, and he finally falls. Then, he managed to have a meaningful convo with Briseis after he pulls the arrows from his chest. After Paris takes Briseis and they leave, Achilleus then dies.

Eric Bana was definitely the one who stole the movie though. He was amazing, (not to mention hot) in the role as Hector. He is seriously captivating. When your first introduced to Hector, he's so adorable. After they cement peace with Menelaus, Menelaus is off flirting with dancing girls, and Paris is upstairs screwing Helen. Hector is pacing at the foot of the stairs leading to Helen's room, worried because he knows exactly what his brother's up to. His expression is perfect.
On the boat, there is some amazing brother moments. He looks so torn.
Throughout the rest of the movie, Hector pay for the mistakes of everyone around him. His death scene is extremely painful, and I hated Achilleus for dragging Hector’s body off. However, it isn’t dragged 7 times around Troy.

Orlando Bloom is hot, as usual. I don’t understand how anyone can hate him, though his he rather sleazy. After he challenges Menelaus, and gets the crap beaten out of him, Menelaus is ready to lob off Paris’s head, and Paris starts crawling back to his brother. Menelaus is, of course, insulted, and follows after him, wanting to kill Paris. Paris ends up gripping his brother’s leg, cringing, and Hector is standing tall. As Menelaus says, “Stand aside. Let me kill him!” Hector’s like, “He’s still my brother.”
Menelaus is killed by Hector. (I know they screwed that up)
Paris gets inside, but he’s really ashamed by what he did. He does practice some archery. His expressions are perfect when his brother is killed, and when they burn Hector’s body.
In the end, I really loved him for leaving Helen to protect a burning Troy. He thinks Achilleus is hurting Briseis, so he shoots Achilleus. He hasn’t lost his Legolas skills at all.

Peter O Toole is amazing as Priam. He disregards his son’s advice for his priests, and eventually brings Troy down. His scene asking for Hector’s body is powerful. Also, it’s horrible sad how he dies. The Greeks are desecrating the temples of the gods, and Priam is horrified. He’s running around the temple, trying to stop them, and Agamemnon runs him through.

I hated Brian Cox as Agamemnon. He did an amazing job, but I hated him. His character is so utterly despicable. It’s not that he’s evil. It’s that he’s attacking someone for all the wrong reasons. There are a few things that I could learn from him, but there are also a few things I should kill him for.

Sean Bean as Odysseus. Just perfect. I loved Sean, but hated Odysseus for coming up with the Trojan horse. He cheated to win a damn war. I mean, where is the sense of honor these men are supposed to love?
Anyways, I listen to all his lines, but I’m not so sure if he made a Sharpe comment. He always makes a Sharpe comment, but I might have missed it in this movie.

The entire acting ensemble was perfect. I honestly wouldn’t have changed anyone but Diane Kruger. She sucked. I could hear her German accent most of time. What Greek speaks like a German? Also, she showed no feeling in her performance. She should have stuck with being a model. She also isn’t that pretty. It would have been so much batter if someone else was cast in that role.

I hated the Greeks in this. Absolutely hated them. They were horrible. Completely honor less. What happened to honor among enemies? You don’t resort to trickery to win wars.

The effects were great. They had this scene, at night, where archers are littering the sands with flaming arrows. Totally missing the soldiers. Then, you see these Trojan soldiers pulling something along behind them as they creep through the sand. Suddenly, these large balls start rolling down the hill, and as they reach the random flaming arrows, they burst into flame. They cause everything in their path to explode into flames. Very cool. The battles themselves are also amazing. The Greeks just got their asses handed to them every time.

Anyway, overall, the movie is amazing. Amazing. I really think this could replace LOTR as my fav. Y? Because it’s based on an ancient Greek text, it involves Greek myths, it’s one of the most famous battles of all time, and it’s extremely well done. I mean, the scale isn’t like that of LOTR, but the movie itself is pretty fucking good.

Now, off to dream of Paris’s naked sweaty chest again.