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January 2019

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All right. It's final. I've given up all hopes on life. I have nothing to live for. Absolutely nothing. My life means nothing to those around me, and it means nothing to me.

I've always felt like I've run away from almost everything in my life that requires me to face up to my emotions, but this I won't . I can't I can't ignore the fact that I no longer want to feel anything.

I know most people think that I carry no human emotions, just evil violent ones. Well, that's not true. I can feel. Maybe not to extent others can, but I can feel.

I wish I couldn't. I am sick of hurting, I'm sick of crying, and I'm sick of feeling.

There is only one way out of this, and I'm too much of a coward to take it. Too scared to losing things that I no longer have. Too scared of what comes after.

I wish I could erase my past. I wish that I never had one. Having a past makes you live up to it, and that is something that I feel I can't do anymore. I can't deal with all of this.

Feeling complete bliss is no longer an option for me. It's just the same, wallowing through this stink hole that is called life, hurting because of all of it.

I don't know what to do anymore.
I really don't.
I have nothing to look forward to. Absolutely nothing.
Betrayal laces everything that I touch, so that aspect of my life is gone.

I need to find something in life to cling to. Something. Anything that is worth staying here for.