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Glow

October 2017

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Glow

I just can't stand it anymore. "Christine's" situation is happening to me. Or, at least, I think it is.

I wouldn't be this messed up if it was only me who noticed, but when 3-4 people bring it up, I just can't ignore it.

I know I'm making a big deal over something that shouldn't affect me, considering I've rid myself of almost all my human emotion, but this is going too far. It hit way closer to hime than the last one did.

It would be better if it was just her. I really wouldn't give too much then, but when people notice that it's both of them, then it bothers me.

I guess I'm just tired of standing in the back, watching everything unfold before my eyes, and not having the power and courage to jump in.

I know I'm wishing for something that would never happen, and I thing everyone else knows it's impossible, but I can't just accept their explanations. I have to try, but I don't know if I can.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Also, on top of that, my life is spiriling even more into a dark hole.

I really don't think it could get any worse. I try to pretend everything's fine, and I'm still myself, but it's getting harder and harder.

It's like when I went to see "The Last Samurai". I really had my doubts about Tom Cruise, but I saw it anyway.

Anyway, I was watching the movie, and for some reason, it must have been something about how depressed he is, and how much Algren hates himself and wants to die, but I broke down in the theatre.

I couldn't believe it. For the first time in about 86 years, I actually cried.


I felt like I was cleansing the remains iof my soul with my tears.

I know it sounds so strange, me being able to, and me not supressing, feeling like a human being.
But, now, right now, in the middle of this whole mess, I really wish I could go back and change a bunch of things I've done.

Easier To Run

It's easier to run,
Replacing this pain with something numb,
It’s so much easier to go,
Then face all this pain here all alone,

Something has been taken from deep inside of me,
A secret I’ve kept locked away,
No one could never see,
Wounds so deep they never show,
They never go away,
Like moving pictures in my head,
For years and years they've played,


If I could change I would,
Take back the pain I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,
If I could stand up and take the blame I would,
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would,
If I could change I would,
Take back the pain I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,
If I could stand up and take the blame I would,
I would take all the shame into the grave,


It's easier to run,
Replacing this pain with something numb,
It’s so much easier to go,
Then face all this pain here all alone,

Sometimes I remember,
The darkness of my past,
Bringing back these memories,
I wish I didn’t have,
Sometimes I think of letting go,
And never looking back,
And never moving forward so,
There would never be a past,


If I could change I would,
Take back the pain I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,
If I could,
Stand up and take the blame I would,
If I could take all the shame into the grave I would,
If I could change I would,
Take back the pain I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,
If I could stand up and take the blame I would,
I would take all the shame into the grave,

Just washing it aside,
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
It’s so much simpler than change!!!!!

It's easier to run!
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Then face all this pain here all alone.........

It's easier to run!!

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made

It's easier to go!!

If I could change I would,
Take back the pain I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,
If I could,
Stand up and take the blame I would,
I would take all the shame….
To the grave!
~Linkin Park

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