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January 2019

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You Know You're Korean When....

You have a container full of Kim-Chee in your fridge right now.

You or your parents start singing when drunk.

Your parents are shorter than you.

You call a korean older than you "Oppa/Hyung" or "Un Nee/Nuna"

Your parents think church is a social event.

"No-Rae-Bang" is a common household word.

Your main source of income is New Years.

Everyone asks if you're Chinese.

Your parents think anything goes with rice.

"Glue? Use rice, it’s better"

Your parents have never kissed you.

Your parents have never kissed each other.

Failing a class means finding a new place to live.

Your mom rents korean soap operas and watches them daily.

Sleeping on the floor is nothing new to you.

Your parents yell your korean name REAL loud in public places.

No matter how hard they try, your parents will never pronounce "wood" correctly.

You think ramen is the fifth food group.

You have to translate for your parents when ordering fast food.

Your family owns a dry cleaning place, liquor store, or grocery store.

Your mother has a short haired, curly perm.

Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying your 12 when your really 14.

You ask your parents help on your math homework and 2 hours later they're still lecturing you about how they knew it in 4th grade.

You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.

You've had a bowl haircut in one part in your life.

You've had to sit through karaoke videos with ugly asian women attempting to dance in a temple or park.

You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hotdogs.

Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors.

You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah) every time someone calls you.

Your parents insist you marry someone Korean.

People see a bunch of scribble on chopsticks and ask you to translate.

Your parents simply cut off the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat it anyway, it’s good for you."

Your parents have either forced you to play the piano, violin, or both.

You have rocks, sticks, leaves, deer antlers, and other strange smelling substances for medicine.

Your parents read about some super nerd who has no life and got in the paper for scoring highest in the SAT’s and ask why you can't be more like him.

When an Asian girl with a white guy (or vice versa) walks by, your parents STARE at them with their eyes popping out.

When you go to buffets, your parents make you eat until you think you're going to hurl, and even after you do, they say, "good, eat more."

Your parents never participated in the "American" traditions of Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. You'll say, "Where's Santa Claus?" and they'll reply, "Santa Claus! Ptch! He's dead!" And then you'll start crying.

After you're get off the phone with someone from the opposite sex, your parents will start interrogating you about that person (except the last one). You'll talk to someone from the opposite sex two days in a row, and your parents immediately think there's something going on.

You bring home straight As, and your parents say, "So? You're supposed to get that!"

You're proud to be Korean - and you pass these jokes on to all your Korean friends!

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Yes! So true. Koreans RULE!
(Rather pathetic that all of these apply to me)
(The "sticks, leavs, deer antlers, and strange smelling stuff" works."

You Know You're From Britain When...

You believe that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday are all good nights for drinking. Sunday day is also entirely reasonable.

You're always a half an hour late to work ... no-one notices or cares.

Coming to work with a hangover is entirely accepted and indeed expected at least once a week.

You can actually give directions to some of those annoying tourists in Oxford Street!

You step over a drunk in the tube station rather than offering to help them.

You don't even bother looking out of the window when you get up in the morning to check what the day is like. You know it is overcast.

You consider a suit to be normal attire for the pub.

You expect men to actually cut, comb and style their hair (using hair products). And to wear decent clothes.

You dissolve in laughter when listening to the funny accent of the Aussie international telephone operator (or on TV!).

You think £40 for a haircut is quite reasonable.

You can't remember what 'customer service' means.

After a big night out you find yourself looking for a Curry house

More than three hours sunlight on summer days seems excessive.

You don't think twice about tipping your hairdresser

You finish every sentence with 'Cheers' or 'Yeah'.

You only just realise you have lost your sunnies, you left them in Greece 2 summers ago.

You like English cuisine. I mean, it's hard to beat a full English breakfast.

You are on to your 6th umbrella and your second overcoat... this year

You've bought a disposable baby BBQ from Tesco.

A day at the beach means wearing the warmest clothes you own while standing on golf ball-size pebbles and the thought of swimming doesn't even enter your head.

You always call soccer football and you have a team and it's not Manchester United.

You don't think twice about buying a packaged sandwich.

A sunny lunchtime means searching for a patch of grass and stripping off practically down to your underwear

You've accepted queuing as a way of life.

You believe that every American is a fatass addicted to hamburgers and hotdogs.

You despise the French (but then, who doesn't?).

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Britan.

Not actually fron Englands, but a suprisingly large amount of this applys to me.

You Know You're From Canada When...

You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."

You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You drink pop, not soda.

You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.

You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.

You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.

You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

You know what a touque is.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee".

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan."

You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."

You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"

Winter. Whenever you want it. And then some.

There's German food, Italian food, Chinese food, Armenian food, American food, but NO Canadian food.

You call a "mouse" a "moose".

You like the Americans a little because they don't want Quebec either.

Contests run by anyone other than the government have "skill-testing questions" that winners must answer correctly before they can claim a prize.

Everything is labelled in English and French.

Milk comes in plastic bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.

Mountain Dew has no caffeine.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Canada.

Hhahahahahahahahahaha. I couldn't resist.

You Know You're Japanese When....

You're obsessed with your hair, your car, and your clothes

You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman (males); or you want to marry a white guy (females).

You know that Camp doesn't mean a cabin in the woods.

Your Issei grandparents had an arranged marriage.

One of your relatives was a "picture bride."

You have relatives who live in Hawaii.

You belong to a Japanese credit union

Wherever you live now, you always come home to the Obon festival.

The bushes in your front yard are trimmed into balls.

You have a kaki tree in the backyard.

You have at least one bag of sembei in the house at all times.

You have a Japanese doll in a glass case in your living room.

You have a nekko cat in your house for good luck.

You have large Japanese platters in your china cabinet.

You have the family mon and Japanese needlepoint on the wall.

You own a multicolored lime green polyester patchwork quilt.

Your grandma used to crochet all your blankets, potholders and dishtowels.

You check to see if you need to take off your shoes at your friends' houses.

When you visit other Japanese, you give or receive a bag of fruits or vegetables.

When you visit other Japanese, you know that you should bring omiage.

When you leave a Japanese person's house, you take leftover food home on a paper plate or a Styrofoam meat tray.

You keep a supply of rubber bands, twist ties, butter and tofu containers in the kitchen.

You know that Pat Morita doesn't really speak like Mr. Miyagi.

You're mad because Kristi Yamaguchi should have gotten more commercial endorsements than Nancy Kerrigan.

When your back is sore, you use Tiger Balm or that flexi-stick with the rubber ball on the end that goes, "katonk," "katonk."

After funerals, you go for Chinameshi.

After giving koden, you get stamps in the mail.

You fight fiercely for the check after dinner.

You've hidden money in the pocket of the person who paid for dinner.

You don't need to read the instructions on the proper use of hashi.

You eat soba on New Year's Eve.

You start off the new year with a bowl of ozoni for good luck and the mochi sticks to the roof of your mouth.

You pack bento for road trips.

Your grandma made the best sushi in town.

You cut all your carrots and hot dogs at an angle.

You know the virtues of SPAM.

You know what it means to eat "footballs."

You grew up eating ambrosia, wontons and finger Jell-O at family potlucks.

You always use Best Foods mayonnaise and like to mix it with shoyu to dip broccoli.

You use the "finger method" to measure the water for your rice cooker.

You grew up on rice: bacon fried rice, chili rice, curry rice or red rice.

You like to eat rice with your spaghetti.

You can't start eating until you have a bowl of rice.

Along with salt and pepper, you have a shoyu dispenser at your table.

You buy rice 25 pounds at a time and shoyu a gallon at a time.

Natto: you either love it or hate it.

As a kid, you used to eat Botan rice candy.

You have a pet named Chibi or Shiro.

omeone you know, owns an Akita or Shiba dog.

At school, you had those Hello Kitty pencil boxes and sweet smelling erasers.

Milk makes you queasy and alcohol turns your face red.

Your dad owns a Member's Only jacket.

Someone you know drives an Acura Integra, Honda Accord or Toyota Camry.

You used to own one of those miniature zori keychains

You have a kaeru frog or good luck charm hanging in your car.

Your parents compare you to their friends' kids.

Your dentist, doctor and optometrist is Japanese American.

Whenever you're with more than three people, it takes an hour to decide where to eat.

You've heard your name pronounced a half-dozen different ways.

You know that E.O. 9066 isn't a zip code.

In the bathroom you have a crocheted toilet paper cover.

You know the California Hotel is not located in California.

No matter how bad your Japanese is, you still know the words shi-shi and oon-chi.

You have, at one time or another, helped fold 1,000 cranes for someone's wedding or anniversary.

When you meet another JA, you can be sure you're either related to them or know someone who knows them.

You have one of those "always hot" rice cookers in your kitchen.

You were told to eat nori so your hair would be black.

You say "itadakimasu" before you eat.

You know to stop yelling when you hear the word "yakamashii."

You compliment a person from Japan on how well they speak English, and they compliment you on how well you speak Japanese, and you both know you're kind of stretching things.

You know you don't need a spoon for miso soup.

The ultimate Chinese dinner for you includes: seaweed soup, chicken chow mein, chashu, pakkai, shrimp with lobster sauce, almond duck, pea chow yuk and homyu.

You know that summer means it's time for somen and shaved ice with azuki beans.

Your dad's front lawn is his pride and joy - to the point of obsession.

You're proud to be Japanese - and you pass these jokes on to all your Japanese friends!

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Way more japanese that I though. Mom wouldn't be hapy.

The Ultimate Death Survey

What do you think happens after you die? Hell, damnation, eternal torture, take your pick

Do you believe in heaven? no

Do you believe in hell? Hell YEAH!

Do you think you will be judged after you die? Yep

How many people would attend your funeral? Um, none if I have my way

Would you rather that people cry or laugh at your funeral? Don't want people there, but it'll be better if they get high and giggle

What's better? A shot in the head or downing pills? hmmmmmm. toughie, probably the gun

What should be written on your tombstone? Fuck OFF

Would you rather die childless or divorced? childless, hate kids

Do you want to die in the morning, afternoon, or night? morning, so I don't have to see the sun

If you had a million dollars to leave, who would you leave it to? I'd have it buried with me so no one can have it

What kind of flowers do you want at your funeral? um, don't know, dead ones?

On your deathbed, which moment will you most remember? don't know

Have you ever watched someone die? yeah

What's the most gruesome death you can imagine?

How often do you think about death? every free moment

Is fear of dying your number one fear? um, gods no. It's going to heaven

Do you believe in reincarnation? no

Have you ever wished someone you loved were dead? Don't LOVE

Do you consider life short or long? long. too long

Do you think you have a soul? no

Assisted suicide for a terminally ill person is: rather a sad reason to kill someone

If you were cremated, where would you like your ashes? scattered into space

Would you choose to be immortal, if you could be? oh gods, please NO!!!

Take The Ultimate Death Survey

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